year 2000, february 16th.

i always get jealous when i saw sisters having fun together.

i thought, how lucky, to have a sister. as in, sister literally, in a family.

i saw them laughing and having so much fun, exchanging clothes, sharing room, sharing everything.

but i am stupid. i have a sister.

but she had gone, for good. back when i was 5 years old. i barely remember her. STUPID ME.

i do i do i doo have a sister! how can i be so stupid, i even barely remember that I HAVE a sister!!!

what did i jealous to?

her name is fathya. and i remember one thing about her, she had already been pretty, even though she was still a baby.

oh fathya, i'm so sorry to barely forget you:( what kind of sister am i?

but you need to know, i still love you girl, with all my heart. and i always am.

oh. this is hard.

it was night. i remember i was playing in my gramma's room with my cousin when suddenly my mom came to the room and she came to me, she was burst in tears.

she was never been so much sad.

i was so confused, she told me that you're gone.

i knew i was 5 at that time, i didn't really know what's the meaning of death.

and i ran to our room, the room was crowded than ever.

then i saw something's pretty, the prettiest baby i've ever seen, just laid in the bed.

that was you.

then everything was became so blurry, i didn't remember the rest.

until, the next day.

my gramma's house became so crowded.

i believe my dad was crying.

people were doing solat for you, my dad was the imam.

then he took you somewhere, i didn't know where.

then he came back.

but not with you.

sooner i knew that you were really am gone, gone for good.

oh fathya, i'm such a bad sister to you. i knew i have a sister but i barely remember you.

16th february 2000 is your born day. that's making us, kids of maulana special cause we're all februarians:)

Allah love you so much so He called you, faster.

for me it was too fast, but i knew He know the best for you.

i really love you fathya i always will. and i will never, forget you.

cause you're gonna be, always gonna be, my little sister that i love with all my heart.

Glorious 35!

just got back from indonesia's special region with beloved 35!!!!!!

AWESOME. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.

guyssss itu kaya baru kemaren gue sama papa gue ngeliatin daftar kelas anak baru mp 35 kelas 7 trus gue masuk 7c....

itu kaya baru kemaren bgt skrg gue udah... selesai smp...

gue ga kenal siapa siapa, trus di belakang gue ada yume, akhirnya gue main sama yume mulu trus akhirnya gue main sama yang lain juga trus anak 7c semuanya jadi best friend gue ever since.

trus gue masuk 8a, kelas paling gaul! hahaha anaknya asik2 semua seru2 solid lg, trus tererereeng gue masuk 9G, kelas paling solid sama kelas paling rame uouo sifatnya sama semua sekelas!

aaaah skrg smp udh selesaaaai!

can you believe it? cepet bgt!!!
i never have any friends like you guys, u guys are the most caring, fun, funny friends that i ever have!!

i never ever gonna forget you guys cz u guys r the best!

and i'm surely, gonna miss u all so bad:(

BIG SMILE!

IT'S THE LAST DAY OF STUDYING IN JUNIOR HIGH!!

next week the big exam... YAY! I'll remember you 35!!

i'm ever so very sorry for what i've done to you guys...

I'M SO EXCITED TODAY!!!!

i'm guessing something, is true or not? but if it's true... :)

if it's not then... wutevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah LOL Hahaha i'm good :D

yes, i'm not perfect. are you happy now?

people change. i know. but i don't know that it would happen this fast.

so fast that made me

disoriented, where am i? specifically, who am i?

i dreamed too much. i expect too much.

now here i am, left.

i'm here, in the

corner watching everything goes by.

don't you realize i'm

watching? i know what happen.

people dream to be an 'insta-star' cause it would gave you the 'insta-fame' and 'insta-high social class' right? and you'll be so famous, people cares, people are always behind your back (whatever it really means-_-) and those 'reputation' thingy. it's like, instant fabulousity, isn't it?

but, i don't know bout you.

i hate to have this cheesy feeling but, gosh.

have you ever hear the word "pretending"?

well i have, and i do it. like for 3 years.

my friends told me to let this go. i know i've tried. but don't you realize? i'm still holding on to it. at least until now. i hope i could let this go, easy-peasy.

i thought i was right.

and i hope you'll be happy now.

and so, i'll find my own way to be happy :)

mutualism pretty much?

Poor castle :(

just watched castle 2 : overkill... UGHHH I'm sorry for you castleee!!

yeah! that demming is... you and kate had been working together like more than 1 year and suddenly, this guy demming came... and... BUM!

haha, i'm over this serial or what?

it's just, that scene... it seems... familiar.

gaah, never mind.

and hey! i drew a girl in tutu and she has this massive wings which has 3 diamonds, each!

i'm pretty proud with that drawing. i don't know why. hahaha

oh, btw, i guess i was OVER loud today at class. idk why did that happen too..

i'm like, very sorry.

i don't know why but sometimes, i did things, but those were actually... not me.

i was shocked i did such thing.

who am i?

HEY! THANKIES FRESHMAN!

gaah! you must see my try outs result. they are total ICKs!!!

ah! i feel silly! and i tried to re-done it, guess what, i can! but i was just unfocus so, ah!

no more easy on the tryouts!! yeah! imma be awesome!

and btw. the class' jackets are already comeeeeeeeee yeaaaaaaaaaaah!

i feel like nikki (from the dork diaries) pretty much. she's the outsider, and she's... well, she's not popular, she CAN'T LIVE A DAY WITHOUT DRAWING (yak yak!) she had a crush on a boy who wouldn't realize (and btw, their story is just like mine. as in, literally:p) and she's... just tryna be posh.

don't read if you haven't realize.

do you even know how it feels to be pretending all the times? and when you get your mask off, people keep telling you what to do and make a snap judgement? well, i guess you know. but if you don't, pity you.

and do you even realize every time i put on that smile, doesn't mean that it's okay with me, it sometimes mean that i really can't take it.

if i couldn't stand something, i probably just let it out, let the world know that i can't stand it.

but there are few things that i can't let the emotion out, and that's because of us.

don't you get me wrong, i'm not all the cheesy thought you may guess, but it's just,

i'm tired of losing best friends. almost 3 years ago i did. i lost 2 best friends.

and that because of my silly tattle tales. but i had enough. 2 are over whelming. how can i lose another and another?

well, we're not best friends, yet. we're so close, but in a very far way.

i don't know why but our silence make it all understood.

i really am, adore you as my friend, and i want to take you to be just a friend, not more, but that's it.

you know, around us, there are so many distractions and i believe we're still in our own ways.

but i don't want to lose you as my friend.

please don't get me wrong.

you probably don't read my blog, but i don't know what else could i do, to explain this.

it's just that, what ever people say about us, please, don't listen to them.

and please don't get me wrong.

they didn't understand.

you think this is odd enough? you're wrong. it's ultra odd.

gosh. there's a girl around me and she's ultra odd. do you know why?

she kept telling her self she would change, would control her emotion and stuff, but did she? no she didn't. those are just jabber-jabbers.

she thought she's posh enough. and the truth is, she's just a wanna be. she's not all that posh.

she thought she's brilliant and bright. hahah, well, it's just what she thought. there's another girl that more more brighter than her. waaaay more brighter. but she just won't admit cause she thought she's so perfect. well get real missy!

hah, and she likes a boy, she thought the boy is so amazing, well maybe, but she just won't admit that the boy isn't hers and ohhh she got it all cheesy peasy by talking about this boy, non-stop like it's sooo over whelming.

and so, she's a type that really over reacted, over think, over over over. she's so waay odd.

she can't control her face. she made those silly faces and thought that her drama is cool but HAH doesn't she get it that all the drama she've made are sooo over rated. silly dramas.

oh wait! she's me.

10 miles.

quand vous avez joué que j'espère chanson

qui a été pour moi

stop telephoning me

i don't know but doubt seems to like to follow me these days.

if doubt is a person, i would love to...

-punch him in the face

-scream that he is a trash, no one need him

-said to him that he is not belongs to anyone

-wish him all the bad luck

-said that he has no future

-bazooka him

yeah. but doubt isn't a person, it's a habit. bad bad habit.

ugh. doubt is silly personality.

it's like someone's telephoning me all the time. no end.

doubt make me feel tired and sick.

i hope one day it'll go away and never have to be in my mind anymore.

i want them to go away

a little glance

hi peeps ;)

finally... the uambn finished! yeah! hope for the best :D

and yeah... it's been a tiring week. though, it's kinda cool cause we don't really have the full day at school. LOL

haah. glory glory, it feels so faaaast! kaya baru kemaren aja gue masuk 9G sekarang? fyuh.

love love love for my senior year in junior high!

and so, i know, it wouldn't last forever!

but it's just... feels so beautiful! haha! yeah! falling in love is awesome!

post power syndrome

no, i'm not having a post power syndrome.

but i've lost my time. for something that doesn't even worthed.

yeah, i'm wasting my time to be exact. that's pretty odd.

aaaah. i don't want to waste my time anymore:(

i'm so tired... it's like, endless possibility and endless uncertainty too :| how awful.

i knew it wasn't true. but people made it harder by saying that it was true.

so i kinda believe that it's true and knowing that my heart (oh oh-_-) said no it's not true... that's ultra odd!

okay maybe you guys don't know what am i talking about but i think certain people do. if you guys are one of the 'certain' people, yes, it's about this fancy thingy-_- yeah, i know it is so out of date but ughhh it's weighing on my mind like OHHHHHH

okay so I'VE TOLD YA PEOPLE it wasn't true but WHY you guys keep telling me that it's true.

do you guys have enough facts? i mean, more facts that could prove that you guys are right? that it's true?

well maybe you guys have but ha, guess those facts couldn't compare with my facts (that prove it's not true!)

HAHA it's like a true or false game eh-_-

so though you guys told me that

"no, darin, it's true, i saw it with my own eyes, the possibility! it's so true" blah blah

yeah, but do you guys didn't have enough information like i do-_-

stalker? no, i'm just curious:p

and you guys didn't know how hurt is it when.... never mind-_-

AHHHHHHH

i always wanted to be where i am today but OH OH i never thought i feel this waaay!

it's 101% a roller coaster ride.

if i go up, whohee, best feeling, evaaa *oliver style mode*

but bang bang! when i fell down, whoa, everything is like turning around and i fell down down to the ground and find my self in wonderland (slash it's world of pretend-_-)

whoops.

don't you even notice? don't you even care? don't you even know? didn't you tired?

don't you understand? don't you see it? don't you think? don't you even guess? don't you even realize?

no you don't cause you didn't.

am i right? oh oh. who knows btw.

but...

OKAAAAAAY HOLD IT RIGHT THERE AND TURN AROUUND

ha there are LOTS and MORE things to worry about, (well, worry isn't a right word but hey._.) right right? past is like a book that had been closed and so, live for today and plan for future.

now we're talking!

GIX for nineglory the fullest ♥

heya guys! gue nyolong satu malem try out neh buat ngeblog. wkwkw.

aaaah iyaaaa alhamdulillah niih bts udah selese temanyaa :D

kelas gue mau foto di bsd nich aoaoao senangnya dekat rumaah LOL.

oh btw, gue kan kelompok fotonya sama tkl, vt, rfd kan yaa pas gue usulin tema fotonya pink pada gamau ahhaaha iyalaaah bercanda kooo :p

loving my senior year so so so much!

IXG is my class, and rfd had this GIX from IXG idea.

jadi G buat rfd. I buat gue. X buat taza.

Gaul Imut Xuper. AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

trus tadi di kelas foto aib buat di buku taunan! ahahaha guenya................ let's see yaaLOL

oyaaaa gue kena virus joget sembilan g nih!!! aoaoaoao

btw. hdir bikin quote buat di buku taunan,

nih salah satunya

"People can create "happy ending" in their story, so why don't we create one for ourselves? for our story life."

SO LET'S MAKE OUR LAST YEAR IN JUNIOR HIGH A HAPPY ENDING NINE GLRY!!! :D

is it legal to be myself?

4L, 5F, 7C and 9G. these are my favorite classes since the elementary. other classes i had, those are amazing class, but these 4 classes had the most memories for me.
thanks ixg for your birthday suprise on monday:) i really appriciate it. but so, though you guys already did such beautiful things for me, i dissapoint you guys eh didn't i?
the thing is,
there are so many things going on my mind right now.
and gosh.
it's silly to find that i've been running from the truth, just because i'm afraid to fall.
so i'm really sorry to dissapoint you guys. i'll try to fix these.

and why should i be me if i could be the super me?

this is a roller coaster.

hey, it's 2 months more. i love XXXV like crazy.

5 exam to go. wish me and you and everyone luck :DD

haha.

idk what to say. it's a little bit funny i'm feeling inside.

little bit of everything.

oh and i will be less on blogging, facebook and twitter.

love ya all. good night and feel the roller coaster ride.

a major change, and i was wrong.

"i love the spotlight so much, so i won't let it go that easy"

-Rachel Berry, Glee S2 : Audition.

gue tau gue yang salah. dan emang selalu gue yang cari masalah. gue minta maaf.

i was stupid for having that fear. but i just love myself too much. so i went so selfish.

you see, i'm really sorry.

but i think sorry won't change anything. unless i change myself.

i don't care if it would hurt me. though i've already fell.

i'll try to forget about everything that has been done in the past.

though everything i did is worthless.

i'm not being my self. it hurts. but if i do, it would hurt me even more.

and i don't care how many times i've said this, but i'm sorry. for everything i did in the past, and everything i'll do, in the future.

prejudice

i thought you don't want to be my best friend

i thought you don't like me

i thought you don't want to have some jokes with me

i thought you hate me

i thought i'm not good enough for you

gosh.

i hate to live in these thoughts.

i just read the holy qur'an. it said that prejudice isn't good.

i know.

well. the word "you" isn't for just one person.

i hope i'll stop this bad bad habbit.

it's all fun and games till someone gets hurt

now we don't wanna fall
but we trippin' in our hearts
and it's reckless and clumsy.
-stuck in the moment, justin bieber

but change the word "we" into "me". shall we?

xoxo xxxv!

today is epic. awesome. lovely. great.
aaaah alhamdulillah today's performance went so well.............
thanks guys you are such a yay!
ah.
january's almost over...
febuary's counting...
well, i don't mind for febuary, though it's my fav month every year ;p
hahaha
but oh my goodness, ninth grade's almost over...
i do, i can't wait for senior high life, but man... is it me or junior high felt so fast?
well, i really can't wait for senior high...
but i will never gonna forget my junior high!
ily xxxv like crazeeh!

She and Him - In The Sun

this song says it all, it's alright, it's okay :)