year 2000, february 16th.

i always get jealous when i saw sisters having fun together.

i thought, how lucky, to have a sister. as in, sister literally, in a family.

i saw them laughing and having so much fun, exchanging clothes, sharing room, sharing everything.

but i am stupid. i have a sister.

but she had gone, for good. back when i was 5 years old. i barely remember her. STUPID ME.

i do i do i doo have a sister! how can i be so stupid, i even barely remember that I HAVE a sister!!!

what did i jealous to?

her name is fathya. and i remember one thing about her, she had already been pretty, even though she was still a baby.

oh fathya, i'm so sorry to barely forget you:( what kind of sister am i?

but you need to know, i still love you girl, with all my heart. and i always am.

oh. this is hard.

it was night. i remember i was playing in my gramma's room with my cousin when suddenly my mom came to the room and she came to me, she was burst in tears.

she was never been so much sad.

i was so confused, she told me that you're gone.

i knew i was 5 at that time, i didn't really know what's the meaning of death.

and i ran to our room, the room was crowded than ever.

then i saw something's pretty, the prettiest baby i've ever seen, just laid in the bed.

that was you.

then everything was became so blurry, i didn't remember the rest.

until, the next day.

my gramma's house became so crowded.

i believe my dad was crying.

people were doing solat for you, my dad was the imam.

then he took you somewhere, i didn't know where.

then he came back.

but not with you.

sooner i knew that you were really am gone, gone for good.

oh fathya, i'm such a bad sister to you. i knew i have a sister but i barely remember you.

16th february 2000 is your born day. that's making us, kids of maulana special cause we're all februarians:)

Allah love you so much so He called you, faster.

for me it was too fast, but i knew He know the best for you.

i really love you fathya i always will. and i will never, forget you.

cause you're gonna be, always gonna be, my little sister that i love with all my heart.

stop telephoning me

i don't know but doubt seems to like to follow me these days.

if doubt is a person, i would love to...

-punch him in the face

-scream that he is a trash, no one need him

-said to him that he is not belongs to anyone

-wish him all the bad luck

-said that he has no future

-bazooka him

yeah. but doubt isn't a person, it's a habit. bad bad habit.

ugh. doubt is silly personality.

it's like someone's telephoning me all the time. no end.

doubt make me feel tired and sick.

i hope one day it'll go away and never have to be in my mind anymore.

i want them to go away

post power syndrome

no, i'm not having a post power syndrome.

but i've lost my time. for something that doesn't even worthed.

yeah, i'm wasting my time to be exact. that's pretty odd.

aaaah. i don't want to waste my time anymore:(

i'm so tired... it's like, endless possibility and endless uncertainty too :| how awful.

i knew it wasn't true. but people made it harder by saying that it was true.

so i kinda believe that it's true and knowing that my heart (oh oh-_-) said no it's not true... that's ultra odd!

okay maybe you guys don't know what am i talking about but i think certain people do. if you guys are one of the 'certain' people, yes, it's about this fancy thingy-_- yeah, i know it is so out of date but ughhh it's weighing on my mind like OHHHHHH

okay so I'VE TOLD YA PEOPLE it wasn't true but WHY you guys keep telling me that it's true.

do you guys have enough facts? i mean, more facts that could prove that you guys are right? that it's true?

well maybe you guys have but ha, guess those facts couldn't compare with my facts (that prove it's not true!)

HAHA it's like a true or false game eh-_-

so though you guys told me that

"no, darin, it's true, i saw it with my own eyes, the possibility! it's so true" blah blah

yeah, but do you guys didn't have enough information like i do-_-

stalker? no, i'm just curious:p

and you guys didn't know how hurt is it when.... never mind-_-

AHHHHHHH

i always wanted to be where i am today but OH OH i never thought i feel this waaay!

it's 101% a roller coaster ride.

if i go up, whohee, best feeling, evaaa *oliver style mode*

but bang bang! when i fell down, whoa, everything is like turning around and i fell down down to the ground and find my self in wonderland (slash it's world of pretend-_-)

whoops.

don't you even notice? don't you even care? don't you even know? didn't you tired?

don't you understand? don't you see it? don't you think? don't you even guess? don't you even realize?

no you don't cause you didn't.

am i right? oh oh. who knows btw.

but...

OKAAAAAAY HOLD IT RIGHT THERE AND TURN AROUUND

ha there are LOTS and MORE things to worry about, (well, worry isn't a right word but hey._.) right right? past is like a book that had been closed and so, live for today and plan for future.

now we're talking!

guess so, guess not, idk. oh so random!

hey folks! still midtest test week. wish me luck. wish you luck. wish everyone luck.

okay. so guess it's official for We Are Nine Glory/G ; warning. yeah! go warning2011!

btw,

i passed my fear to try chili on my food.

i passed my fear to talk in front of class, and from a lot of people

i passed my fear to ride roller coaster.

could i pass my fear, so i can be his best friend?

woohee! it's just me finally!

it feels great. awesome. yeah, i can't deny that it feels a liiiiitle tiny bit sort of............. umm... quite? haha. what ever. but it feels good. though i know that this will be change in not-for-so-long time haha but i want to enjoy this situation. hh.

btw, just in these few months, LOTS of things changed. ever since the ninth grade. haha, well there's a thing that changed (really really really changed), and that's impact me much. wkwkw but don't worry, i'm ok. (HAHAHA you're such an over confident that there will be someone who cares?)

ooo almost forgot. this is september! wahoo.
here are some of my september wishes. i hope it will happen. and i hope yours to :))

• i want a fisheye cam
• various lunch
• i can think positively and not worrying for almost everything -_-"
• good grades
• be a good friend
• no more creepy expressions -_-
• stay calm hahahaha (no. seriously. i really hope this one works)
• stay healthy

well. those are some for now. ttyl people, byeo!

kamrad!

itu gue dapet kata itu di komik tintin! itu bahasa rusianya temen :) hehe awww gue kangen nii sama temen2 gue walopun baru 2 hari libur dan kita tetep chat tapi tetep kangeen :") haha. ah well, 4 more days to camp rock 2 : the final jam. yipiee! hehe. aaa can't wait to see meaghan martin! hehe she've got the antagonist part on the camp rock 1, guess she'll do the antagonist too in this season? dunno but her voice is awesomeeee heheh. btw, it's sort of the last 10 days of Ramadhan :( ooh why it feels really faast :(( huhu. hope you guys will get the holy lailatul qadr night ;) amiin. have a nice day everyone :DD

sophomore

tadi gue liat di web orang ada yang nulis,

"the more i said i don't
mind
the more i care.
the more i said i've move
on
the more i pretend i
forget"

wih, dalem tuh. haha. gue jadi inget beberapa taun yang lalu, gue bener2 drama queen. yah, sebenernya sekarang juga masih, tapi mendingan. mau main persenan? yah, kira2 20% perubahannya (oke sotoy tapi yah, kurang lebih)

dulu gue kalo gasuka sesuatu, nangis. sekarang cuma tampangnya cemberut, tapi gue gapuas, gue pengenya kalo gasuka datar, malah senyum. amin. haha.

gue tau gue perfeksionis, udah ada yang bilang. trus gue berkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaali kali bilang gue harus berubah tralala trilili gamau diatur orang lain (kecuali keluarga gue) tapi ujung2nya, kalo udah ketemu orang2 lain itu, BYAARR lupa deh omongan gue sebelumnya, tetep aja diatur orang, tetep aja nurut kalo orang lain bilang gue harus ini harus itu. cheesy? i must admit, yes.

jadi inget, gue pernah punya masalah yang bener2 gue gasuka, gue nangis,
didepan orang2 banyak. itu malu2in banget, tapi ya itu gue yang dulu.
setelah gue nangis, diantara orang2 banyak itu tadi, ada yang bilang,
"kalo gue jadi lu sih, gue becandain
aja"
mungkin kesanya ngegampangin, apalagi buat such a drama queen like me, how
come?
tapi coba pikir lagi, yang diomongin dia bener juga lho, ngapain dibikin
pusing kalo gapengen pusing? ya ga? sekarang gue jadi mikir, how ridiculous i
was?!
orang tadi mungkin ga sengaja ngomong kaya gitu, tapi apa yang dia omongin,
gue bersyukur banget punya temen kayak dia. kalo gue pikir2, dia itu anaknya
easy going banget. kalo ada masalah, yah, jangan disesalin, selesein. gabisa? ya
udah, akuin gabisa, abis itu, belajar jangan sampe keulangin lagi. dia juga
anaknya jujur sama dirinya sendiri, dia gamau & gasuka, ya dia ga lakuin
walopun orang lain maksa dia. ya ngapain ngerjain sesuatu yang lu ga pengen? ga
penting pula. wasting time. woy, thanks ya, i hope i can learn from you
more.

sekarang gue mau get real, gue tau gue a loud girl, yah, kalo mau jadi kalem pasti butuh waktu. sekarang gue mau jadi gue yang biasa aja, tapi ga kaya dulu lagi. i want to be better, but still me.

oh ya btw, sekarang kan tanggal 15 Agustus, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSEPH ADAM JONAS!!! wish you all the best trus kapan kau kesekolah ku? keburu un niih. mungkin pas sma/kuliah?? haha just kidding joe! wkwkw

source

source web

i'm really lucky to have been born and meet you all. people who can make me laugh even though my eyes is drowning tears, who accept me as i am. and i never get bored to say, i love you all my friends :)

clean house (mind version)

do you know clean house? so far, it is like the funniest house make over show! hahaha.
in clean house, the main problem is cluttered house. and what makes the house cluttered? hard to let go things. and then clean house come, make a yard sale, the profit of the yard sale is for the new design, and tadaa! the house is new!

i think, my problem is also came from clutter minded. i'm thinking of something that actually have to go, i mean like, OH COME ON! it's the past! well yes you can do some memorabilia thingy, and it's important, but future is sooooo much important for me to think for!
you know what? that ARE mind clutter. that make my mind didn't go focus. and you know? that's pretty bad. unfocus is the worst.
so what should i do? call clean house and ask them to make my mind unclutter minded?
i'd like to, but oh! this is real world. there is no such thing as a clean house mind version.
wow. oh but that's the truth.

so from now on, i'll try to think uncluttery, let go something that has to go. because i know Allah alwasys give us the best. oh well, livin' positive world seems better than oh-so-egocluttery world.

who's gonna do it? oo, this girl!

eight grAde

today is the last day of eight grade! on thursday we're attending the final exam. i hope we'll get the best! amiin. hey all, i'm really really really sorry for everything that might hurt you all...

it was just yesterday i passed the seventh grade... now i'm attending eight grade's final exam! i hope we all passed this final exam all the best! aaaaaa time goes really fast!
i'll miss you guys. i'll miss all the fun we had in 8a :D

ya Allah i hope we'll pass this eightgrade with the best
score... amiin :D

eight grade almost over

i hope i'll pass this last exam and begining new life in 9th grade:)

in this 8th grade,
i got TONS of lesson.
i loose my grandpa. but he's always in my heart. i love you, abah!
lots of things changed, so do i.
i started to become more loud.
i started to realize that i'm not her. i'm not them.
i started to realize, that i can't lie to my heart!

well, so many things happened. but i just want to say alhamdulillah ya Allah for all of these moments, for made me know my friends, for made me love him. and for made me being around my beloved family. ya Allah, i hope in the next 9th grade, i'll get these moments even better. amiin.

defying gravity

http://photomural.files.wordpress.com

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game.

Too late for second-guessing,
Too late to go back to sleep.
It's time to trust my instincts,
Close my eyes and leap.

I'm through accepting limits

'Cause someone says they're so.

Some things I cannot change,
But till I try, I'll never know.

Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost.

Well, if that's love,
It comes at much too high a cost!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Defying Gravity
And you won't bring me down

some of glee's defying gravity lyrics. More lyrics: http://www.lyricsty.com/lyrics/g/glee_cast/#share

i accept that!

Gue gak kayak anak2 sepantaran gue kebanyakan. Gue tau kok. Walopun kasat mata sih -,- ahaha. Emm gue selama ini mikir, AAAH gue kenapa sih aneh banget oh please 'pengalaman' gue gak sebanyak anak2 lain di suatu 'bidang', ooooh please gue kok ampe ada orang yang nanya : "kok lu aneh?" Trus banyak yang make fun of me ooooooh why am I so weirddddd... I'm SOO normal but whyyyyyyyy aaaaa ya gitu deh em. Tapi sekarang gue mikir, kalo ada yang nanya gue kenapa gue aneh, ya maksud gue, come on! Gue aneh trus? There's nothing to do with you kan? Gue aneh tapi anehnya gak ngejerumus ke yang jelek kan? Gue aneh tapi life goes on! Idup gue fine fine aja tuh! So, kalo di bilang aneh, yaudah sih tiap2 orang kan beda2. Btw, everyone's unique by its own way lho. Ya gak?
Trus soal 'pengalaman'. Hey, please. It's not your first priority right now. (Atleast not yet ahaha) and, do you really want to be like that? well, NO! So? Yaudah sih gausah musingin gituan -_-
Nah, kalo ada yang seneng making fun of me, apalagi jokenya itu bohong, kan itu namanya fitnah. Fitnah itu gak bener2 terjadi. Jadi yang salah siapa? Don't let it bother your mind, girl!!!
Life is simple, jangan bikin susah sendiri. Trus positive thinking, kalo ada yang bilang gue aneh, mungkin aja dia sebenernya pengen bilang kalo gue itu unik tapi malu haha (eh, tapi kalo ini mah itungannya kepedean ya bukan positive thinking? Ha? Aaahaha kidding :D)

hey, i'll prove it!

kalo mau ngomongin gue yang dulu, lu ga bakal nyangka itu gue. lu cuma bisa tau itu gue ato bukan ya muka gue aja. sisanya? gue sama sekali beda dari yang sekarang.
coba tanya sama temen2 gue yang dulu sekelas sama gue di kelas 7. tanya mereka gimana gue waktu itu. gimana gue waktu pertama kali gue di mos. pertama kali gue di smp. ga ada mirip2nya sama gue yang sekarang. gue disini ga mau ngebahas gimana gue dulu, tapi, gue mau nulis tentang lingkungan yang bisa ngubah orang.

oke, gue jujur, dulu gue jutek. itu dulu ya tapi abis itu gue ketemu orang2 (selain keluarga gue) yang kalo gue mau jungkir balik kek, nangis, cemberut, ngambek mulu, you name it deh, mereka tetep aja mau main sama gue. itu namanya temen2 gue. kalo gue jadi mereka, punya temen kayak gue gini, gue sih pikir2 dulu. tapi mereka nggak kok, mereka tetep baik sama gue. dan karena itu gue jadi mikir, ngapain banget sih gue ngabisin waktu gue jadi orang jutek? temen2 gue ga jutek tuh, masa gue jutek? kan norak. iya gak?
mulai sekarang, gue ga mau kayak gue yang dulu lagi. gue mau jadi kayak temen2 gue yang baik sama orang lain.
hey you all, give me one more chance to prove you all that i'm not the one i use to be







http://img.youtube.com/vi/7zer9GkPW5c/0.jpg

have you ever think that you're so not in the same page with others?
i have. and i don't know why but i really like it.

Sabtu, 27 Februari 2010

itu hari ulangtaun gue yang ke-14.hari itu gue juga dapet banyak banget pelajaran. banyak banget. tapi di tapi ada 1 pelajaran yang bener2 gue suka.
di hari itu gue belajar kalo hidup itu move on, kita harus melakukan yang terbaik di semua yang kita lakuin. itu bakal nganterin kita sukses.

iBake

heya heya holiday now~ haha well actually it was already started since 20th April, but today, i stayed in my lovely grandma's. hahahaha. iBake today! iBake cheese sticks yum (with LOTS of my granny's help. altough it was some kind of i was the one who helped her. awkwkwkw)! well, for this long, i just ate them, my grandma made them pretty well! so today i've learned how to bake (or made? haha) cheese sticks! okaaay here's the ingredient :
-eggs
-water (or salted water)
-flour
-CHEESE!
and you'll need noodle grinder (big sized noodle one? oh well =])
dose? depends on how much you want to make the cheese sticks. hehe, it was actually not about the cheese sticks, or how much i love it (i really like my granny's cheese sticks!) it was actually about time i spent to having fun with my granny ♥







i loooove her very much. and i looooove my family very much too. i LOVE this life:)

jealous?

well, i'm a moody girl. i know. and i'm soooooo expressive. and i was some kind of ego-mood. and ego-mood is really bothering, i tell you.
it's like i can be jealous for things that not-so-important. ughhh. yes, i know it is sooooo bothering.

i was like everytime i signed in my facebook and saw my friends activites, i'm like "ohh how can't i get close like theeem? why oh why" ugh. i know. too much drama.
not just facebook. i can be jealous for really really not-so-important. oh! i mean so-not-important things! cheesy. and i was some kind of "ooooooooooooooh i wanna be like them. they are sooo cool but whoops i can't because i'm not like them hu-hu i'm not them and they didn't know who am i really is, oh oh oh but i rrrreeeeaaalllyy wanna be like theeeem oooh:((" cheesy-weezie, cheesy baby. hey! even babies didn't do that!

UGH. i'm sick of jealous thingy. i don't want to be like that anymore. sooo b.o.t.h.e.r.i.n.g.
and then i saw this ways to overcome jealous from a web (http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/9-ways-to-overcome-jealousy/). and it's helping!
the web said, some ways to overcome jealous is these:

1. love your self
2. stop comparing
3. be realistic
4. "is it what we want for our selves??"

well those are so true. yes! it's like,

1. i LOVE my self.
2. yes, i should STOP comparing
3. i should.

and for number 4, i really really really SHOULD ask my self "is it what i want for my self?" yup. i should. because for this long, do i really want to be like others? now the answer is NO. NO. NO. in fact, i don't want to be like others (anymore). cause you know what, being like others is sooo like wearing other person's shoe. it's not fit in to my feet! and for this long, if i felt jealous it was like i wasn't not darin. it was like i'm darin. and i don't like it. i HATE it.

and if keep this oh-so-jealous thingy, i could be just a face in a crowd. do you get what i mean? oh of course you do. haha. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo say good bye to all-stuffs-jealous and hello me-so-confident. hasta la vista jealous!

i maybe miss yesterday. but i
have today and tomorrow to live.