random thoughts

i miss my junior high

i want my money back

i completely determined to be just like Eric Smith

i want to be a better person

macbook please be mine

i hope my papers gonna be easy

i want to be happy

i miss you

i want to survive.

i want to pass the new girl episode on SHS! lol-_-

i... i don't know what am i doing now

ps: lately, my drawings are HORRIBLE. why? cause i have no feeling now that's why.

uhh. i hope you guys enjoy this movie.

and the translated one

i'm the freshman

helooooooooooooooooooooooo people long time no blog:)

sooow i'm in senior high now!!! hehehee

well. freshman year never is easy. in taylor swift's fifteen "waiting one of those senior boys will wink at you and say you know i haven't seen you around"

in my case? TOTALLY NOT. hahahaa

yeah, in my age, people talk about boys boys boys. well, for me? all i could think about now is how to survive high school. bwahaha

aaaaa i DO miss my junior high:( ugh.

and so, my new high school is... probably one of the state's most-matter-school. didn't mean to show off but to explain that being in this high school, you gotta be SUPER strong. it's all about competition here.

wish me luck \m/

you, me and the bottom line

you can't see it, but somehow, it exist.

we can make it disappear.

but well,

you choose not to. so do i.

so it's clear.

year 2000, february 16th.

i always get jealous when i saw sisters having fun together.

i thought, how lucky, to have a sister. as in, sister literally, in a family.

i saw them laughing and having so much fun, exchanging clothes, sharing room, sharing everything.

but i am stupid. i have a sister.

but she had gone, for good. back when i was 5 years old. i barely remember her. STUPID ME.

i do i do i doo have a sister! how can i be so stupid, i even barely remember that I HAVE a sister!!!

what did i jealous to?

her name is fathya. and i remember one thing about her, she had already been pretty, even though she was still a baby.

oh fathya, i'm so sorry to barely forget you:( what kind of sister am i?

but you need to know, i still love you girl, with all my heart. and i always am.

oh. this is hard.

it was night. i remember i was playing in my gramma's room with my cousin when suddenly my mom came to the room and she came to me, she was burst in tears.

she was never been so much sad.

i was so confused, she told me that you're gone.

i knew i was 5 at that time, i didn't really know what's the meaning of death.

and i ran to our room, the room was crowded than ever.

then i saw something's pretty, the prettiest baby i've ever seen, just laid in the bed.

that was you.

then everything was became so blurry, i didn't remember the rest.

until, the next day.

my gramma's house became so crowded.

i believe my dad was crying.

people were doing solat for you, my dad was the imam.

then he took you somewhere, i didn't know where.

then he came back.

but not with you.

sooner i knew that you were really am gone, gone for good.

oh fathya, i'm such a bad sister to you. i knew i have a sister but i barely remember you.

16th february 2000 is your born day. that's making us, kids of maulana special cause we're all februarians:)

Allah love you so much so He called you, faster.

for me it was too fast, but i knew He know the best for you.

i really love you fathya i always will. and i will never, forget you.

cause you're gonna be, always gonna be, my little sister that i love with all my heart.

true friends.

oh. i miss my nine glory so much :(

the whole senior year and the jogja trip made us close to each other and it made me feel sad to leave them:(

i spent a fabulous year with them, really. they're all like my best friend...

you guys surprised me on my birthday, you made me cry! (re:tear of joy!)

you were there to listen when i'm feeling sad, you were there making me laugh even when i don't want to...

and remember my skecth books? your writing guyssss! my sketch book is full of your doodles and your funny writings...

AH! and we have so much songs that we always sing together so those were like glory's national song! hahaha like the aerosmith's don't want to miss a thing? i miss you guys :((

i miss the days we spent together!

and when the jogja trip, i was sick on day one, and you guys were there, making sure i'm okay...

i mean, when will i found a people that are so nice like you guys???

you guys are nice people! very nice indeed. i wish you guys best wishes and so, hope we will meet again and stay friends forever:)

Glorious 35!

just got back from indonesia's special region with beloved 35!!!!!!

AWESOME. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.

guyssss itu kaya baru kemaren gue sama papa gue ngeliatin daftar kelas anak baru mp 35 kelas 7 trus gue masuk 7c....

itu kaya baru kemaren bgt skrg gue udah... selesai smp...

gue ga kenal siapa siapa, trus di belakang gue ada yume, akhirnya gue main sama yume mulu trus akhirnya gue main sama yang lain juga trus anak 7c semuanya jadi best friend gue ever since.

trus gue masuk 8a, kelas paling gaul! hahaha anaknya asik2 semua seru2 solid lg, trus tererereeng gue masuk 9G, kelas paling solid sama kelas paling rame uouo sifatnya sama semua sekelas!

aaaah skrg smp udh selesaaaai!

can you believe it? cepet bgt!!!
i never have any friends like you guys, u guys are the most caring, fun, funny friends that i ever have!!

i never ever gonna forget you guys cz u guys r the best!

and i'm surely, gonna miss u all so bad:(

BIG SMILE!

IT'S THE LAST DAY OF STUDYING IN JUNIOR HIGH!!

next week the big exam... YAY! I'll remember you 35!!

i'm ever so very sorry for what i've done to you guys...

I'M SO EXCITED TODAY!!!!

i'm guessing something, is true or not? but if it's true... :)

if it's not then... wutevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah LOL Hahaha i'm good :D

yes, i'm not perfect. are you happy now?

people change. i know. but i don't know that it would happen this fast.

so fast that made me

disoriented, where am i? specifically, who am i?

i dreamed too much. i expect too much.

now here i am, left.

i'm here, in the

corner watching everything goes by.

don't you realize i'm

watching? i know what happen.

people dream to be an 'insta-star' cause it would gave you the 'insta-fame' and 'insta-high social class' right? and you'll be so famous, people cares, people are always behind your back (whatever it really means-_-) and those 'reputation' thingy. it's like, instant fabulousity, isn't it?

but, i don't know bout you.

i hate to have this cheesy feeling but, gosh.

have you ever hear the word "pretending"?

well i have, and i do it. like for 3 years.

my friends told me to let this go. i know i've tried. but don't you realize? i'm still holding on to it. at least until now. i hope i could let this go, easy-peasy.

i thought i was right.

and i hope you'll be happy now.

and so, i'll find my own way to be happy :)

mutualism pretty much?

Poor castle :(

just watched castle 2 : overkill... UGHHH I'm sorry for you castleee!!

yeah! that demming is... you and kate had been working together like more than 1 year and suddenly, this guy demming came... and... BUM!

haha, i'm over this serial or what?

it's just, that scene... it seems... familiar.

gaah, never mind.

and hey! i drew a girl in tutu and she has this massive wings which has 3 diamonds, each!

i'm pretty proud with that drawing. i don't know why. hahaha

oh, btw, i guess i was OVER loud today at class. idk why did that happen too..

i'm like, very sorry.

i don't know why but sometimes, i did things, but those were actually... not me.

i was shocked i did such thing.

who am i?

HEY! THANKIES FRESHMAN!

gaah! you must see my try outs result. they are total ICKs!!!

ah! i feel silly! and i tried to re-done it, guess what, i can! but i was just unfocus so, ah!

no more easy on the tryouts!! yeah! imma be awesome!

and btw. the class' jackets are already comeeeeeeeee yeaaaaaaaaaaah!

i feel like nikki (from the dork diaries) pretty much. she's the outsider, and she's... well, she's not popular, she CAN'T LIVE A DAY WITHOUT DRAWING (yak yak!) she had a crush on a boy who wouldn't realize (and btw, their story is just like mine. as in, literally:p) and she's... just tryna be posh.

i would take no notice if someone keep telling me what to do or whatsit.

don't read if you haven't realize.

do you even know how it feels to be pretending all the times? and when you get your mask off, people keep telling you what to do and make a snap judgement? well, i guess you know. but if you don't, pity you.

and do you even realize every time i put on that smile, doesn't mean that it's okay with me, it sometimes mean that i really can't take it.

if i couldn't stand something, i probably just let it out, let the world know that i can't stand it.

but there are few things that i can't let the emotion out, and that's because of us.

don't you get me wrong, i'm not all the cheesy thought you may guess, but it's just,

i'm tired of losing best friends. almost 3 years ago i did. i lost 2 best friends.

and that because of my silly tattle tales. but i had enough. 2 are over whelming. how can i lose another and another?

well, we're not best friends, yet. we're so close, but in a very far way.

i don't know why but our silence make it all understood.

i really am, adore you as my friend, and i want to take you to be just a friend, not more, but that's it.

you know, around us, there are so many distractions and i believe we're still in our own ways.

but i don't want to lose you as my friend.

please don't get me wrong.

you probably don't read my blog, but i don't know what else could i do, to explain this.

it's just that, what ever people say about us, please, don't listen to them.

and please don't get me wrong.

they didn't understand.

you think this is odd enough? you're wrong. it's ultra odd.

gosh. there's a girl around me and she's ultra odd. do you know why?

she kept telling her self she would change, would control her emotion and stuff, but did she? no she didn't. those are just jabber-jabbers.

she thought she's posh enough. and the truth is, she's just a wanna be. she's not all that posh.

she thought she's brilliant and bright. hahah, well, it's just what she thought. there's another girl that more more brighter than her. waaaay more brighter. but she just won't admit cause she thought she's so perfect. well get real missy!

hah, and she likes a boy, she thought the boy is so amazing, well maybe, but she just won't admit that the boy isn't hers and ohhh she got it all cheesy peasy by talking about this boy, non-stop like it's sooo over whelming.

and so, she's a type that really over reacted, over think, over over over. she's so waay odd.

she can't control her face. she made those silly faces and thought that her drama is cool but HAH doesn't she get it that all the drama she've made are sooo over rated. silly dramas.

oh wait! she's me.

glorious feeling!

this pict is taken on march 19th. one of the oddest day. hahaha, but still, it was a very lovely day spending all day long with my glorious nine glory :)

this class make me feel that i really am part of it.

this 2010/2011 class is the class that make me don't want to go home fast. hahaha

this class is the class that make me cry, cry of joy and this class is the class that make my stomach shaking everyday cause everyone in this class is class clown ahahah!

and today we were having a surprise partaaay for our beloved teacher mrs.yay!! hehehe my class is freakin awesome!!!

want to kick all the bad thoughts with this rockin' ankle boots!

10 miles.

quand vous avez joué que j'espère chanson

qui a été pour moi

stop telephoning me

i don't know but doubt seems to like to follow me these days.

if doubt is a person, i would love to...

-punch him in the face

-scream that he is a trash, no one need him

-said to him that he is not belongs to anyone

-wish him all the bad luck

-said that he has no future

-bazooka him

yeah. but doubt isn't a person, it's a habit. bad bad habit.

ugh. doubt is silly personality.

it's like someone's telephoning me all the time. no end.

doubt make me feel tired and sick.

i hope one day it'll go away and never have to be in my mind anymore.

i want them to go away

gomen.

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel."

i found that on tumblr.

i don't know what to say when i saw that quote. but i guess this way is better.

sometimes pretending is a lot easier.

a little glance

hi peeps ;)

finally... the uambn finished! yeah! hope for the best :D

and yeah... it's been a tiring week. though, it's kinda cool cause we don't really have the full day at school. LOL

haah. glory glory, it feels so faaaast! kaya baru kemaren aja gue masuk 9G sekarang? fyuh.

love love love for my senior year in junior high!

and so, i know, it wouldn't last forever!

but it's just... feels so beautiful! haha! yeah! falling in love is awesome!

post power syndrome

no, i'm not having a post power syndrome.

but i've lost my time. for something that doesn't even worthed.

yeah, i'm wasting my time to be exact. that's pretty odd.

aaaah. i don't want to waste my time anymore:(

i'm so tired... it's like, endless possibility and endless uncertainty too :| how awful.

i knew it wasn't true. but people made it harder by saying that it was true.

so i kinda believe that it's true and knowing that my heart (oh oh-_-) said no it's not true... that's ultra odd!

okay maybe you guys don't know what am i talking about but i think certain people do. if you guys are one of the 'certain' people, yes, it's about this fancy thingy-_- yeah, i know it is so out of date but ughhh it's weighing on my mind like OHHHHHH

okay so I'VE TOLD YA PEOPLE it wasn't true but WHY you guys keep telling me that it's true.

do you guys have enough facts? i mean, more facts that could prove that you guys are right? that it's true?

well maybe you guys have but ha, guess those facts couldn't compare with my facts (that prove it's not true!)

HAHA it's like a true or false game eh-_-

so though you guys told me that

"no, darin, it's true, i saw it with my own eyes, the possibility! it's so true" blah blah

yeah, but do you guys didn't have enough information like i do-_-

stalker? no, i'm just curious:p

and you guys didn't know how hurt is it when.... never mind-_-

AHHHHHHH

i always wanted to be where i am today but OH OH i never thought i feel this waaay!

it's 101% a roller coaster ride.

if i go up, whohee, best feeling, evaaa *oliver style mode*

but bang bang! when i fell down, whoa, everything is like turning around and i fell down down to the ground and find my self in wonderland (slash it's world of pretend-_-)

whoops.

don't you even notice? don't you even care? don't you even know? didn't you tired?

don't you understand? don't you see it? don't you think? don't you even guess? don't you even realize?

no you don't cause you didn't.

am i right? oh oh. who knows btw.

but...

OKAAAAAAY HOLD IT RIGHT THERE AND TURN AROUUND

ha there are LOTS and MORE things to worry about, (well, worry isn't a right word but hey._.) right right? past is like a book that had been closed and so, live for today and plan for future.

now we're talking!